Updated: Dec 6, 2018
A trait we can easily admire is confidence..., even when we don’t see where they got the shit from, we all respect it. We all want to be confident, to be self- assured, to know that we got the sauce..., no, no, we are the sauce.
It’s easy to spot another person who is confident, it’s easy to want to be a more confident person. What isn’t so easy is to make a game plan to attain it for ourselves. But it is possible. I hope you didn’t think that confidence happens overnight or that some people were just born confident (and if we are, the world will do anything to snatch our confidence from us). Confident people are so because we have gone through certain experiences that helped us build up our confidence level little by little. We then went through trials to test and solidify our self esteem and self reliance.
“In order to expand your comfort zone, you have to push yourself out dat bitch!”
If you weren’t fortunate enough to grow up in a society which was conducive to a healthy sense of self esteem, you are going to have to build that shit yourself. Further more, once you find your strongest sense of self assuredness, you are gonna have to learn to duck bad vibes and energy suckers because they are surely going to wage war on you and your “you-think-you-all-that” ass . After all, knowing your worth can stop you from getting yourself into some lonely situations where you feel played. So now, that you know you have the ability to become more confident, you’ll need to go through this time of confidence building . No matter what quality you’re wanting to have, you have to adopt it, embrace it, and live it until it becomes a part of our your whole ass soul.
So if you’d like to become a more confident person, I’d like to give you the recipe. Use the steps below as a guide to help you build confidence from within, that is hard to break and that is only going to get stronger as time goes on. But remember, this is only a recipe -- a guide with some useful tips and skill development. Be sure to take what works for you, leave the shit that doesn’t and go out to get whatever you don’t already have in the house.
4 Steps To Building Confidence From Within
1. Identify where you are and where you want to be.
The first step to making the sauce (confidence) is to take inventory-- to know what you have, so you know what to put your resources toward getting. Self-confidence often affects how well you get things done, and how satisfied you are with the choices you make.
If you rated your current confidence level on a scale of 1-10, where would it be?
If you rated yourself:
Low Confidence (0-4): You may tend to focus more on what you don't have, and this takes time and attention away from recognizing and using your skills and talents.
Some Confidence (5-7): You can recognize your skills, and believe in your abilities. But perhaps you're a little too hard on yourself, and this may stop you from really feeling like you have the right to be confident.
High Confidence (8-10): You know you are the sauce, you are a master at ducking bad vibes and usually don’t allow obstacles to affect the way you see yourself. But, you still need to nurture your self-confidence.
No matter how you rated yourself, we can all use a confidence boost to keep ourselves in the know about how dope we are, have been and can be!
Now that you have had an honest conversation with yourself about where your confidence is... Where would you like your confidence to be and what’s holding you back from being there? Is it time? Is it fear? Is it belief? Is it your mindset? Is it a sucka in your life who keeps belittling you and adds to your own self-doubt? By pointing this out, you will be able to remove the block or the obstacle more effectively.
2. Build confidence by starting with the shit you are good at.
Too often when we don’t get the results we hoped for, we then recall all the times when we tried some shit and it didn’t work. This negative thinking will have you fucked up in the head because it casts a shadow on all the times you’ve worked hard as fuck and found success from your efforts. So, ask yourself about a few times you worked your ass off for something and you got it!
*Please note: Try to think of instances where it didn't come easy to you. Truth is, we never appreciated shit that came too easy, because there was no lesson our value that we had to learn from that experience. Also, don’t think about the full end of that reward. (i.e you prepped hard for an job interview and because of your efforts, you did great and got the job but, your boss was an asshole). You still worked hard and got your reward, it’s just that they told you the prize was a diamond and it really was a cubic zirconia.
PS, IDGAF if you have to go back to the sixth time you took your driving test and finally passed, or when you got over your first heartbreak or learned how to walk. If you think you haven’t accomplished something in your lifetime you aren’t looking hard enough.
Now, after recognizing your amazing-ness, now it’s time to think about what makes you anxious - the areas we feel least confident in! These are the areas that can be improved. These are the areas of comfort that we should try to push ourselves out of our comfort zone.
3. accept yourself including your flaws
"The only approval I need will come from my muthafuckin’ self"
We all have flaws. You cannot accept yourself fully without making peace with your whole self. The number one confidence killer is not being confident in our own skin, because this is where you reside - your body is your home and your home is a temple. Imperfections make you unique and interesting. Remember that no one is perfect. Those who seem perfect are likely just better at hiding their weaknesses than others.
“Confidence doesn’t mean you think you are perfect, it means you accept your flaws and still see yourself as poppin.”
4. Identify and build a tribe to be your support system.
Remove negative energy
A support system is crucial for you to be able to grant yourself more confidence. But just as important is the company you keep. In order to achieve great things in life, we need to surround ourselves with people who believe in us and whom we identify with . One of the causes of your lack of confidence could be that some significant people in your life do not believe in you. It might sound like a small thing, but it is a very big thing and it can make a tremendous effect on how you do everything. Is there someone in your life who does not believe in you? If so, can you minimize contact with that sucka? Can you inspire them to be more positive? Try not to let their discouraging words get to you. I know it’s hard and I’ve been there and still have to face it every now and then.
Sometimes people project their own inner fear onto you. If they don’t believe you can do something, it could be because they’re battling their own self-doubt.
This is why it is equally as important to align yourself with people whom you identify with or even admire. Yes, your grown ass needs to find someone to “ look up to”. According to Albert Bandura’s theory of self efficacy, when we find someone whom we can draw similarities from (i.e gender, upbringing or education) AND see them as successful in the areas we hope to be successful in, it facilitates positive feelings which allow us to see ourselves as more capable of reaching these goals. So, if a healthy support system seems out of reach for you right now, find someone who is or has achieved what you hope to conquer that also has something in common with you. Read their biography, follow them on IG, get connected in some way because they have laid down some of the foundation you’ll need to find your confidence and achieve your goals.
Surround yourself with positive energy
You are a grown ass human, you have the right to choose how you live and whom you surround yourself with. Energies are contagious. Passion is contagious. So surround yourself with people who lift you higher; who inspire you and help you grow.
Be your own hype man.
Gas yourself up with pep-talks and reminders that you got the sauce. Read motivational content and quotes. So many times, I myself have felt all alone and that no one believed in my ass. I had to be my own hype man. My yoga practice was and has been my emotional outlet. It can be hard, but I knew what I ultimately wanted to achieve so I persevered. The Trap Yoga Bae Tribe has served as an awesome community of support... and not just for me as the founder, but I have also witnessed and seen friendships blossom here. So, don’t be afraid to reach out to us!
Extra Tips to go from sauce to saucey
Only do shit that aligns with who you are.
When we do things that are not in alignment with who we are, we experience resistance emotionally and physically. We feel stuck, uneasy, unhappy, unfulfilled, and stressed. Your cause of low confidence could stem from this - from not doing things that align with who you truly are. If this is the case, plan to make change, shake some shit up. Once you start doing things that are more in line with your true self, your confidence level will naturally increase.
Building confidence is a mastery, and mastery takes time
Think about the things that you’re good at that took a long time for you to master. What are they? How did you learn to master them? How long did it take? Next time, when facing a difficult challenge, remind yourself of how you managed to master the thing that you’re good at.
Get out of your mutha fuckin’ comfort zone.
Challenge yourself. Start from small then move to bigger things. Get used to pushing yourself so that you can grow. Facing your own inner fear and anxious emotions will get easier as you keep fighting against them.
Adopt an attitude of confidence “know you dat bish”
Remove self-doubt. Get rid of your self-limiting beliefs. Fuck it! Pretend to be confident, over and over, until you actually feel confident. Our brain remembers things and creates patterns. Build a pattern of confidence.
Practice positive ( and ratchet) affirmations and visualization.
These practices have been extremely valuable to me. Positive affirmations help me turn negative thoughts, emotions, doubts, and fears into something powerful. When you practice positive affirmations, not only do you tell yourself what you want, but you also make a promise to yourself that you will make it happen. When you tell yourself what you want over and over, that it goes into your subconscious mind and, your life will be directed towards that without you realizing that you’re doing so sometimes. And this is very powerful! Be sure to check out the featured ratchet affirmation meditation I’ve recorded for you to get you started!
No matter what quality you want to have, you need to build it. If you want to be confident, you need to build confidence - just like building a new habit or adopting a new mindset. Whatever you want to be more confident in, practice it until you’re good at it. And if you just want to be a confident person, start by building your self-esteem from within.